Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain.

Dr. Suess:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told.

Einstein:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Freud:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

The Bible:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Machiavelli:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Aristotle:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Karl Marx:
It was an historical inevitability.

Steven Hawking:
This all exists only in Cyber Space, so did any of it really happen, or was there a singularity that defines this event from the "pre-point" insertion of the known universe?

Grandpa:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Colonel Sanders:
I missed one?

Captain James T. Kirk:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Fox Mulder:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

Pat Buchanan:
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

Louis Farrakhan:
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

L.A. Police Department:
Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.

Martin Luther King, Jr.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Saddam Hussein:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping ~50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Richard M. Nixon:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.

Ronald Reagan:
What chicken?

Bill Clinton:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.

Bill Gates:
I have just released Chicken Coop 90, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book - and Explorer is an inextricable part of the operating system.